I don’t wake up at 3am anymore, because I dream of you.

February 18, 2020 by

Talking with one of my food maker friends a couple weeks ago, I said,

Fear is leading your decisions! Where’s the room for dreaming?

Of course fear was leading her. And I made it sound easy to shove it aside.

Fear of being cornered by mounting costs. Fear that the costs will finally topple and suffocate everything she’s wanted, and everyone she’s brought along with her. It feels like there’s no way out because all she can see are the costs, mounting, and the corner, blocking.

This is 3am fear. And there’s very little room for dreams here.

I thought I didn’t wake up at 3am any more, because things got better. And now I dream of you.

You are our bright future, drawing closer now, made stronger by all the corners we’ve escaped.

We use this strength to carve our future, not the way our fear suggests but the way we intend.

And then, last week, just like that, 3am. The sound of our plans being ripped away from us woke me up.

Am I building insanity? Have I become too bold?

Fear suggests again. I’d forgotten how persuasive it can be.

And so, to all those business owners who’ve been there, wide awake in the middle of the night… defaulting on rents, drowning in BAS debt, desperately attempting to build a ladder out of a place getting more claustrophobic every day… I want to say… I hear you. I hear you and I respect your fear and I wish I could take it away. If I could suspend your disbelief for just one minute… close your eyes. Let me find my hope again so it can guide us out.

Since last week, I scurry between wide awake and dreaming wildly. For all of us. Hope spent in abundance. Good luck, good humour, and just enough frenetic planning to keep us all out of the corner for the moment.

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