All my worries
And on reflection, perhaps someone else’s worries, too…
What have I just done?
have I fucked it all up? I’ve fucked it all up.
the downward spiral… this is it.
I’ve committed to too much… how will I find the energy?
and will my team?
fuck it’s all going to die. I’ve bet everything and it’s a bum steer. I’ll run out of time. It’ll all fuck up and I’ll run out of time…
my ideas are stupid… I’m actually dumb…or I’m a sucker. Maybe both…
I need to be harsher, kinder, quicker, more patient, less circuitous…
how do I stop this worrying!!??
And then I just do. I stop thinking for just one second. But it’s long enough to remember to step outside, and water the garden.
And then the second eases into a minute, then two, of thinking about other things…
I wonder what I’ll plant next?
oh look, the grapes starting to shoot!
I better mulch that.
wouldn’t it be beautiful to make a wall full of marigolds?
hmmm… maybe it won’t all die
maybe I haven’t fucked EVERYTHING up
maybe I could do this or this or this and the circuitous nature of all these things, planting, talking, laughing, opening… will lead to more energy… and an upward spiral… and joy…
All I had to do is stop thinking for just one second and remember that I have a happy place.
And worry isn’t in my happy place. The worry isn’t in any place at all.
Where’s your happy place? Stop and find it.
And maybe if you share it here,
it will help someone else find one,
who didn’t have one,
and they’ll lose their worries in the reality of this place, too.